To die

I don't know what's going on with me. I keep screaming and yelling and being really vicious. All I keep thinking in my head is that I want to die, I want to die, I want to die.
My brain fighting against this saying "it's just a bad time" "it's just a phase" "this too shall pass"
But what if it doesn't.
I'm not being an able person. I am not surviving this personal hell that I am in.
My daughter deserves better than a miserable person like me. Still I feel so protective of her. She's the only one keeping me going. The only reason I wake up. The only sun in my life. Everything else means nothing to me anymore. Yes it's depression, whatever, I'm sick of hearing the word.  Yes I'm on medication, obviously it's not working yet. Between my physical and mental health. Where are these sudden bursts of aggression coming from? Why is this happening to me? I am so angry. I am so upset, I am climbing the walls and I'm just so out of control. I am fat and ugly and maybe I should just be put out of my misery.
Sure anyone reading this will put me away for sure. But most people never see this side of me. Most people I see think I'm this wonderful, giving, compassionate person. Inside I am postal. Rage, rage, rage, anger, fury, deep purple from shaking, mad like a raging bull. Pacing like a caged lion begging to be freed.  What is happening to me. Have I finally flipped? Has all the sadness from all the years finally eaten away at my sanity? I'm scared.